i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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