Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
