I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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