tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
