I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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