Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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