Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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