Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize