Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
love makes seman taste better
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
