Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
