I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is her dick bigger than yours?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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