You're my little dorito
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
