I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
