Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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