and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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