you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
