walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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