I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
