Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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