proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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