i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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