turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
