my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You left your phone here
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