dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
