My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
