he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize