you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize