I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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