What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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