Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize