he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
