sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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