Can i not drive my cunt home
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
