wat bout pragnant strippers??
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
