my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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