So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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