I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Can i not drive my cunt home
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
