Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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