I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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