stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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