i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
