between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
tonight lets celebrate not being married
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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