Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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