So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
