you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the condom got lost in my hair
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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