So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
