I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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