Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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