sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
