Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
