it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize