so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
