I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
