I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
