oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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