Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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