did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
