I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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