i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
