Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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