You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
