so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
