I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
