Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
